A Confession of a Melancholic

I remember that the same feeling struck me last year at the exact same time - it was a few days before the final exam. I am having the same feeling again, and final exam is in few days time. This is a crappy feeling. It makes me become an insomniac, and makes me can't focus well.

The saddest feeling is that you care and you love and they don't care, or pretend not to. Somehow you can't blame anyone. People can choose to ignore your passion and your kindness. They don't even need a strong reason to do that. Isn't it the simplest definition of sadness - Lose something you want or you expect but it's not illegal or there's nobody to blame? 

Whenever people need me they will find me, but I can't even get a simple 'thank you' or a smile from them in return. I feel so worthless.Giving and expecting too much love can cost you a lot. Sometimes it costs not only time, but the irremovable scar that reminds you about what have you suffered.

There's nothing left for me but tons and tons of regrets. It hurts when you tried so hard and put effort into something and it don't succeed. This is a phase where people would normally give up. Maybe it's time for me to do so. I told my friend: if giving up is hard, don't give up, yet I never knew that it is that difficult to get over something or somebody. I need to talk to someone, anyone.

It all started when I became stupid. I became stupid when I flipped over something/someone exquisite. In the end, it's pain that bring back my sanity.

Melancholic, that is all.
30 Day Song Challenge - Day 26 -A Song That You Can Play On an Instrument

I can play a guitar and I can play many songs. These two are my favourite when I play them in acoustic version. Enjoy.


Being 21

Tengo viente uno años.

23rd of May, an important day in my life that symbolizes my maturation. 2 days ago, I was officially step into adulthood. I am 21 years old. It was my birthday, one might expect a celebration or a decent dinner with friends and family, at least. 23rd of May, it just another ordinary day (at some point I even forgot that it was my birthday).

I spent 80% of my day alone, I had my lunch alone, did my own thing and stuffs. I lost my appetite at night and my dinner was just a fried rice with a deceiving teriyaki chicken with veggies. It was terrible, it was even more unusual than any ordinary day. Except that I had a cake from my friend Yi Zheng, no one verbally wished me. That was the time I missed my family and friends that located six thousand kilometers away. That isn't really matter much for me, I am still glad that some old best friends still remember my birthday and wished me through Facebook (I never put my birthday on Facebook yet they knew it was it, good friend is indeed good). Another thing is that, my mum's birthday is on the next day. As I always say, 'we are each others birthday present, for life'. May is the month that has my mum's birthday and mother's day, yet, ironically, I never really celebrated that before together with my mum for some reasons.

As I mentioned before, the thing above is nothing important. It is just that, the feeling of being 21 is very hard to be described. 21 years old symbolizes a milestone in life. It's a legal age for almost everything. It is the time where real responsibilities come in. It is the time that I enter the adult world, officially. I was eager to feel what it is like to be 21. What hit me was that, the day was exceptionally strange and unusual. It was definitely something I never felt before.

I am 21 years old now. I think I changed a lot compared to the 20 years old self. I learned many important lessons and met many people that changed my views in this one year time. I no longer express myself on will anymore. I learned that sometimes giving, loving and caring do not necessarily brings returns. I learned that I am too kindhearted. I must do better. I am an adult now.

There it goes, the last day of my semester in my little Monash adventure in Australia. Final exam is 10 days ahead and I haven't started any revision yet (and yet I am still updating my blog, I am so gonna die). And I want to go back to Malaysia. Melbourne is nice, I love it, just that it's not the right time for me to stay here. Sometimes, things seem good, but sometimes it can be superficial. Anyway, I will definitely miss all those wonderful moment that I had in this memorable semester. Studying in Melbourne, it is definitely a big paragraph in my life.

Recently I picked up my abandoned interest again - reading. For some reasons, I read a lot these days. But that's not the point. Point is, I want to recommend a book. 'One Day' by David Nicholls. For me, this book is a unorthodox romance novel. It did not stressed much about the love between the two main characters, yet I can feel the passion that the author tried to deliver. What I like most is that, this book covers not only romantic relationships, but family and friends as well. Rich in joy and tears and some bitter sweet romance of young adults, this book is definitely a read.

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 24 - A Song That You Want to Play at Your Funeral

Oh well, since it asked me...


10 Things About Melbourne

It's been roughly 3 months since I reached Melbourne. Melbourne is kinda mysterious right?  You probably know that Sydney is the state capital of Australia and it has the famous Opera House and the Habour Bridge.  Unlike Sydney, Melbourne is kinda mysterious right? You certainly heard of it, but you probably never really know how is it like, or any other information about it, not even a very personal impression.

I will tell you what I saw. I will tell you what Melbourne is like from my very experience.

1. Melbourne is a very big city.
The Melbourne City Loop or the central business district is not really big, but 'Melbourne' includes some other suburbs, which makes it big.

2. You can find a liquor store pretty much everywhere.
A liquor store with my name on it.
Yes, it's convenient in someway. You can find a few liquor stores in the radius of 1 kilometers from where you are in Melbourne. Just how much the Australians like to drink. This also explains why is it so easy to see a drunk man in the city. True story.

3. The trams
See? They warn you.
The trams here is very branched and well networked. It's one of the most networked tram systems in the world. It's part of the road vehicles too. You have to look out for trams when you are crossing the road or driving. Tram is a big deal.

4. Flinders Street Station
It a very beautiful and retro looking train station. It is the central train station (like a KLsentra, but nothing like it). It's a prominent feature of Melbourne city other than Federation Square. You can find any kind of people in front of the station - A hippie, a drunken person, punk kids, musician, dancers, policemen... It's always crowded in there. Train and commuters are some very important means of transport in Melbourne. Without Flinders Street Station, Melbourne might collapse.

5. Pie Face
This is scary. You can see a Pie Face kiosk almost every streets in the city center. I saw Pie Face more than McDonald's or Subway. This is convenient, whenever you are in the city during late night where all the shops are closed and you can't grab any food, Pie Face is always there for you. Nonetheless, I still think that the pie they made is quite overrated though.

6. Working hours
They say Australians are lazy. Well, I say they really know how to live their life. Most of the shops closes at 5pm to 7pm. You can't really get anything from most of the shops after 8pm, except for some chinese restaurant or some fine dining hall. The convenient stores that open till late night are 7-Eleven and Coles. Almost every shops close during weekends. Weekend in suburbs is like a ghost town - the shops are there, but there's nobody around. Australians never work during weekend.

7. Lygon Street
It's like a Jalan Alor in Malaysia. This street is famous for food, particularly Italian, Spanish and Malaysian cuisine. They call them the 'Little Italy'. That is the street I like the most I guess.

8. Graffiti and street arts.
You will be amazed by the graffiti in Melbourne city. The wall, the buildings and whatever object along the railroad are basically filled up with colourful words. Graffiti is a mysterious and make-no-sense phenomenon in Melbourne city.

9. The Asians
You will be surprised by the number of Asians presented in Melbourne. I was in a train where the Asian to Caucasian ratio was like 20:1. No kidding. Asians are everywhere and they doesn't seems to be like tourist or travelers, especially Chinese. Nothing to do with racism but it's just some interesting facts to share.

10. The Little Difference

Melbournians are very friendly. They always say 'Thank You', 'Good Day', 'I'm Sorry' all the time. When they do something, they take everyone into consideration - There's always a handicap toilet, a functional pedestrian light, a bicycle lane (yes, a bicycle lane) everywhere in the city. Nothing is impermissible in Melbourne (not literally, no crime is permissible). You can lie on the lawn in front of the state library and do nothing. You can play a guitar in the street. You can skateboarding around the city. You can run if you feel like running. They don't judge you.

Oh my god, I love Melbourne so much.

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 25 - A Song That Makes You Laugh

I can't type, I am laughing.









30 Day Song Challenge - Day 23 - A Song That You Want To Play at Your Wedding

There are so many songs that I am gonna play during my wedding. Too bad, I can't really think of any now. This is the song that came into my mind. Enjoy.