The Free Verse Of An Insomniac

It happens in the night,
Where the wicked loneliness strikes.

It stays deep in my soul,
Wanders around and never goes.

Emptiness, sleeplessness and sorrow,
These are the scourges the lone bestows.

For tonight I wonder,
Where will all my good friends be ?
Are they gradually leaving me ?

For tonight I wonder,
How exquisite is your face ?
Or how your honeyed-smile shall taste ?

For tonight I wonder,
Will you feel me tomorrow ?
Alas only god will know.

As I reasoned and I thought,
Time fleeted and came the dawn.

There goes the closing of my eyes,
So as the closing of my mind.

Soon when I wake up from the snooze,
Breakfast will be lecture notes.


The Climax

I only have 24 hours per day. Time management is not like dividing a round shaped pizza where everyone can get a piece of pizza that has the same size with the others. We should (I hope I do) divide our time based on work priority. Cut the crap, I am feeling guilty for not updating my bolg for so long, but assignments are killing me.

Climax - A period of time where all the big name assignments, quizzes and lab reports clumped together and the due date for all these fall within the same week and due dates are only 1 to 2 days apart. Usually, students in this climax period will suffer from heavy insomnia, stress, hormone imbalance, disruption of circadian rhythm and loss of body weight if stress persisted.

Week 11 of my 1st year 2nd semester in Monash University, where I have one biotechnology assignment, one psychology literature review, one biology lab report, one biotechnology close-book quiz, and two physiology online task that left undone yet, all of them due in the same week, but not for physiology tasks. But still, having so much assignment due at the same time is like Dementors wandering around you and take all your pleasure and happiness away.

It's okay, bring it on.


I had my first dance performance on stage in my life. Was I Nervous ? Maybe a little, generally, no. How much did I give myself ? Eight of of ten. I was dancing Rumba. People refer Rumba as 'The Dance of Love'. Rumba is a form of Latin dance where it involves with complex footworks and many techniques. Actually, we did not have enough time to practice. We only had a few practice session before the performance. Still, we made it.

That was one of the longest 4 minutes of my life. When the music starts, the audiences were silenced. Physiological changes such as perspiration and increase in breathing frequency and heart rate was observed. Here's the story. We had been practiced so hard for the performance day. No matter how bad I danced, I will still be proud for myself, at least I tried, on stage.

I didn't have my best dance on the first day. Me and my partner was a little to nervous (maybe) and she accidentally knocked her own feet and nearly tripped, in the end, we had a lousy preparation steps in the beginning of the dance. I was like: Oh, this is really embarrassing. Afterwards, I did a major mistake in the end of my dance for the first round of performance where I mistakenly fasten the count for the steps. The second performance which I gave on the next day was way better. No major and observable mistakes, perfect synchronization and lack of nervousness. When they applauded, I felt relief because the performance was over. I felt sad because the performance was over.

I never know that dancing has so much fun. The tutor is good, the dancers are amazing, I really enjoy it. Too bad, I am easily impressed by many thing. Dances impressed me, and I like it. Should I take part in the performance group next semester? Too soon to say, but I shall see.


The Frog Story

No words can describe how much I am afraid of frogs and toads. To me, frogs and toads are the most disgusting animals in the world, seconded by any other invertebrates with moist skins and soft body. Frog dissection is a must for 1st year science student in Monash University. For weeks I had convinced myself not to be afraid of this dissection experiment. Eventually, this self-hypnotizing method failed, epically.

That was a warm Thursday afternoon. I was early to the lab, try so hard to remind myself a frog is nothing to be afraid of. I took a deep breath and walked into the lab. I was stunned when I saw those frogs crucified on the metal tray. I heard that the blood of the frogs was drained out so that there will be not much blood when we cut their body opened. According to my logical interpretation of the statement based on biological facts, no blood simply means no life. I even observe the frogs and pronounced their dead since there was no contraction or relaxation observed on their lower jaw. No breathing and respiration observed. So, I thought all the frogs were dead (Obviously I was wrong). I was relief.

I was more relaxed than previous since I thought the frogs were all dead. A dead frog will never move (Again, I was wrong). After the briefing, I move back to my bench and my group members and I had some discussion before we started the dissection. I exclude myself from cutting the frog because I really do not have the guts to touch any frogs. Still I observed. So, they grabbed a pair of scissor and a scalpel. I was quite close (about 2..5 meter away) to the 'action site'. As they use the clamp to grab the skin located above the frogs' sternum, the frog regained its consciousness and struggled. Movement, I hate frog with movement. Within the time interval of milliseconds, thousands of neurons transmitted signals to my brain. I accidentally swore out loud and ran to the corner of the lab, trying so hard to open the back door that was locked. Everyone were looking at me and they were giving the 'WTF is going on to this idiot ?' looks on me. Don't blame me, blame the genes.

Still, they proceeded when I was calming myself down out of the lab. Few minutes later, I walked back in and the sternum was opened and basically all the organs of the frog were observable. The heart was still pumping, but according to my demonstrator, it was brain-dead, so the frog will not feel any pain.

'Okay, brain-dead, no more movement', I thought. Again, I calmed myself down and observed the anatomical structure of the frog. We were asked to remove the organs off the frog for observation. As they removing the organs, the frog gave contraction again. Eventually, I ran to the corner while I swore loudly, and I had the scared look (Yes, the kind where the eyes opened wide look.). Darn, why can't the frog just die anyway ?

Finally, the organs were all removed. Along the process, the frog did not move, which I think was logical. I mean, who can survive after all you internal organs were removed right ? And this time, I really thought that the frog was officially dead. I was really calm after all the organs are removed from the frog because I think at that point the frog will not move anymore (I was wrong for the third time). The final task of the experiment was to count the nerves ending from the spinal cord of the frog. Since the frog was already dead, I volunteered myself to do the counting. I picked up a pair of forceps and started the counting.

I was very close to the frogs' body (about 10-15cm away) to be more precise since the nerves are hardly observable. When I counted the nerves, I used the forceps to pick up one of the largest nerves that located on the tenth vertebra of the frog. This act of mine triggered reflex reaction of the dead frog and its lower limbs contracted. Instantly, I threw my the forceps away and screamed 'What The Fnck' repeatedly while running away from the lab. My group members were stunned and shocked by my sudden act. In the end, I made it through. At least I attended that lab session.

I couldn't slept that night. Whenever I closed my eyes, every scenes the frog struggled that I remembered flashed in my mind. I hate frogs, but I wouldn't kill them. I really feel sorry for the frogs since they died in such excruciating way, not to mention that they never deserve to die. I participated in an experiment that physically killed a frog, and I feel very guilty about it. I wonder how those people manage to kill their parents or own children without feeling guilty.

Heartless is so not me.


The Fifth Month

'Forget who I was, remember who I am, and who I will be.'

If I am not mistaken, this is a quote from Charlie 'Chick' Benetto from the book 'For One More Day'. What I wanna say here is what he had say. I am not changing myself or what, just try to forget who I was, if you can.

May, the fifth month, the month that I love the most: Labour's Day, Mother's Day, my birthday, my mum's birthday, all of them falls on May. To me, it's the month of love, too bad valentines day is not on May. How I wish I can be at home, having dinners that served by my mum, buy ourselves a birthday cake, celebrate our birthday together. I believed that it's destined, my birthday is on 23rd and her's on 24th, and both of us always say, we are each others greatest birthday present.

The stuffs I wrote on top are just some thoughts. It's May, means that there's only 1 more month to final exam. At this point, I should have started my revision, but too bad, I can't focus during semester break. But I promise I will start everything when the break ends.

I really like to see the parents bringing their children out when they are free. Someday I want to be the one who bring my kids out. I want to bring them to McDonald's, buy them ice cream, teach them how to pick up girls or boys next table in school, cook for them, bring them to bed, prepare breakfast for them, watching them graduates, married, having my grandchildren ...

Pull me back, I went to far.

It's weird. The weird part is that, I haven't thought of the stuffs that I want to do with my girlfriends, yet I am thinking about I will do for my children. I must have a girlfriend to have a wife, and I have to have a wife if I want to have kids (of course, you can have it in the same way with someone that's not your domestic partner, well it's just bad, might be fun, but bad...), it's just like some procedure written in a D.I.Y manual right ?


When you have kids, it might be ended up in a way in reality, where these funny conversations occur between you and your kids:

"Andy, I told you before, you can't eat the rubber duck in the bathroom, it's not a food"
"Look daddy, I drew a monster and it's grabbing your heads and bites your arm off !"
"Belinda, coffee powder is not for make ups !"

Or your kids asked you some questions that you can't explain to them due to their current intellectual level, for example:

Son:"Daddy, why can't I wear a dress like sister ?"
Me:"No, you can't, you are a boy."
Son:"Why I am a boy ?"

When this question pops out, there are many answers that you can try.

Me:"It's because there's a thing call sex chromosomes, and there's a thing call probability BLAH BLAH BLAH", ended up they might ask more or stare at you like they are just had a few seconds of coma.


Me:"Because when Santa see you wearing a dress he will stop giving you presents.", He might stop wearing dress until he is old enough to knows Santa doesn't care, as long as he behaves.


He stops me:"Daddy you lied, there ain't no Santa !"

And it goes on and on ...

When you bring them out, they might run around crazily, without destination, as they never run before. While they are running, you have to make sure that they don't get themselves lost, and you have to frequently ask them to drink water, wipe their sweats, bring them to poo poo, bring them home when they finally tired.

Pull me back, I went too far again...

Father's day and Mother's day are just around the corner, they born you, they grown you up, love them while you still can. Raising kids is hard, they had been there.

Whenever we want to deny a person, or a fact, we have to keep few things in mind, which is: only do it when you are trying to correct a person's mistake on certain facts, and only you are really sure that you are right, based on the true facts and evidence. In the end, what matters is what's the truth is, not who's winning. A mature man can accept facts and realize he is wrong in the first place, and he will never be shy admitting it. Otherwise it will quite annoying to converse with such person. Nothing personal, just some thoughts.

Never deny someone because you just want to deny someone, even you know that you are wrong.

Never deny a someone just to provoke a meaningless argument.

Never be personal, do it only when you sure you are right.